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Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I will never understand tunics.

Sitting here watching the most excellent premiere of Dirty Sexy Money and eating garlic baked fries in a post-gym stupor, I finally came to terms with the fact that not only will I never look good in a flowy-schmowy, tunic-length girlie top but that I will never understand the whole concept.

I mean, sure, that's a cute color and everything, but what is the attraction, ladies? Why the low-cut boobie-showing with the flowy, waist-covering bounty of fabric below? Sure, if you've got 'em, flaunt 'em but you still look slutty in my book. The top may make your waist look long--too long, who wants a waist that goes down to their thighs? you are weird.--but I find that women who are well-proportioned look the best when wearing well-proportioned clothing. Oh, yes.

Ladies, ladies, ladies. If you are shapeful enough to pull off the tiny boobie-part, why hide your glorious other lady-parts? And for God's sake, I hope you're wearing pants with these tops, because we are not in ancient Rome. (Sidebar: put away those gladiator sandals, they are gross.) Don't get me started about the low-cut EMPIRE-WAIST BABY-DOLL tops that abound in stores lately, what are you, a skanky infant whore? Boooo.

Booo, I say. But maybe all this anti-tunic-length-top venting is because I am rather shapeless on top. I have great gams (as Miss Skinny Minnie Jeanne told me once, and I was like IT'S SO TRUE, LOOK AT THESE LEGS, BITCHES), with a torso in progress. It's taken me several years, but I have learned that I look SUPER-SMOKIN' HOT in more structured tops, like blouses with seams and tailoring and buttons and gorgeous little things. See, how comfortable am I with my body shape?

That said, here's a tunic-length sweater I'd wear if I had no other choice--CHECK OUT THE SWEET SLEEVES. Another link for you all to check out, even if it seems a little sketchy: MyShape.com, it's supposed to teach you how to dress for your body shape--always useful, right?

Images from forever21.com and bluefly.com.


Kati said...

Oh Karen, you have to post this on the day I am wearing my H&M pirate mini-tunic. Although I really think that the next logical step from tunics is dresses over pants, and thus everyone in fashion wants to be five years old again.

(Also, was Samaire Armstrong any good in Dirty Sexy Money? I started watching and then got distracted, so I missed most of it. Also, what was up with Peter Krause's hair??)

Karen said...

Don't even get me started on dresses over pants, or OH MY GOD the anger!!

(She was pretty good, cute, but I'm only watching it for Peter Krause, and SHUT YOUR MOUTH HIS HAIR IS GLORIOUS. What I wanted to know is how he snagged a super-hot wife who lays in bed wearing the world's greatest push-up bra and a lacy nightie like it's nobody's business.)

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