Misadventures in Self-Tanning

I have pale legs, and generally, I don't self-tan -- not even the gradual "build-a-tan" lotions. I don't like having to wait to put on clothes or sit while it dries or worrying about it getting on my sheets if I apply before bed, I don't want to wear gloves or stain my hands... and so I wind up wearing pants all summer long because my legs are pale. And they stay pale. The cycle continues.

Anyway, I was sent a bottle of L'Oreal Sublime Bronze ProPerfect Airbrush Self-Tanning Mist (breathe, breathe, it's not that long of a name) by Total Beauty, and so I decided to give it a shot. I was heading to a fancy brunch on Saturday and I was going to wear a skirt, so why not try out the self-tan stuff the night before? Good idea, right?

They tell you to never try something new right before you go to something important, like "never get a facial in the days before your wedding" and so forth. There is a very good reason for this.

So I sprayed it on my legs after shaving (which, um, kind of stung? So -- don't do that!), put on a skirt, and went out for the night an hour later (as the can said it would start showing up in an hour). As I was leaving, my mom said, "Your legs are so PALE," and I replied with, "I put self-tanner on them!!" But even so, I noticed no real difference in my legs, no evidence that I'd sprayed well or evenly or anything...

...until I woke up the next morning, when it was immediately clear that I had NOT sprayed well or evenly, including a big long drip mark down my left shin. Oh. Oh no. Oh, this was bad. It had been so incredibly hot the day and night before that it could have been sweat, or it could have overdeveloped while I was sleeping, or something. Either way, it was Not Good.

Luckily, I had my DuWop Revolotion, which is a tinted moisturizer with SPF, to disguise my poor blotchy legs. If you didn't know that I'd had a mishap with self-tanner, you wouldn't have noticed it -- and as far as I know, no one at the brunch did notice. Or at least they didn't say anything to me if they did.

Yeah. I remain a total self-tan novice, and I don't think I'm going to attempt to get any better at it. I mean, now I'm wearing pants in the summer to hide my pale AND orange legs. I just have to ride this out until it goes away...

In conclusion:



images from totalbeauty.com and icanhascheezburger.com